Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
