I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
