Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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