Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
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I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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