Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
two words...techno handjob
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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