Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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