Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
