You can't motorboat a personality
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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