I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
