Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
