Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
