i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think a kid would responsible me up
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
