I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
