i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
