As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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