Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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