apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
