you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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