So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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