i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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