Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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