I got chris browned last night
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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