He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
