Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
