just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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