Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
