you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
