ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
