During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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