I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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