why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize