i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
