what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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