sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
