I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
