Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
