And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Are we still banned from the library?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
