Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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