I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
