I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
