the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
that's an acceptable place to lick
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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