The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
