walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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