awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
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My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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