where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
