You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
