you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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