glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
