Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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