Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
