I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
