So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
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I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
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There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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