Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So much Jack, so little girl.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
