New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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