my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
