Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
