I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
