I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
