stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
