Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
