Ambien. No doubt about it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
