i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
