that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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