You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
