I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
