hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
