I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
