your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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