i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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