Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
