I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
