Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
